I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
