just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
