okay pat passed out under dana's car
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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