ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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