its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
