Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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