I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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