i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
