My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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