i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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