I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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