some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
