Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My balls are so social today.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
