The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
