You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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