i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
