this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
