I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize