I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
