you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
