areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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