When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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