i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
