Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
