I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
tell me about the eggs
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
