I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
