Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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