Moan for me like Helen Keller
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
