He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I did not marry a roomba.
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