i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
