I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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