The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
