Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
