Sry I called you an 8
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
