I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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