i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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