Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
