I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
