Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love you.
Bad choice
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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