so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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