I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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