Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
