I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
