And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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