You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
