it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
