I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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