Everything about him screamed your future.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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