im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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