You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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