??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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