new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
