you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
