they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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