the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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