I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
