is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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