I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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