My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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