The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize