The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
