I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
