his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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