you're like a bully in the Christmas story
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
