Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
