just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
